In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
