If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
