this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
