Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
