Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
