Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
