so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
