I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
