you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
