my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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