Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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