can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
