so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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