Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
