Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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