I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
