I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
