I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
