am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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