2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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