oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
