You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
