So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize