38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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