some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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