It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Houston, we have a squirter
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
