he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
