she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
