I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
