woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
