I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
