Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
