I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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