Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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