You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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