She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
