Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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