i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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