Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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