Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize