Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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