So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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