Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
