When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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