Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
