Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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