i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
