Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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