im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
