dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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