New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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