one might say we're banned from that church
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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