omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
