I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
