That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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