Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
