Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
His nipple licking is glorious
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