I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
