no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
