if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize