rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
