everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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