oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
