life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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