I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
