Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
