My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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