it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
