I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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