shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
