i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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