don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
