you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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