I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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