worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
