I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize