every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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