I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
