How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you would pick up someone in the library
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
