Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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