He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
