I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You are the jesus of drinking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
