Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
