it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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