haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
