What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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