Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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