I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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