if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
