im so drunk with asians
where?
always
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
