"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
