I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
