so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
