So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
