im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
