Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
